My Prospective Unit Has a Signature Scent
I toured a 498-square-foot studio in a new East Seventh tower that replaced a laundromat. The rent has fees, the fees have names, and the lobby smells like a candle with a LinkedIn.
5 min read
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East Austin
Browse Old Austin Grouch posts about east austin, Austin nostalgia, and the city habits locals still argue about.
Use this topic hub to explore satire, memories, and cultural commentary about east austin in Austin, Texas.
36 posts · Newest first
Seasonally Adjusted Potato and Egg
I built a thirty-year breakfast-taco price index with proper methodology: base year, hedonic adjustment, substitution bias. The economics are sound. The tortilla is not.
5 min read
Seventy-Four and Dressed for Fargo
The thermostat clicked off at dawn for the first time since May, and by 7:15 the whole city was in fleece. I went out to witness the one morning Austin pretends it lives somewhere with seasons.
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Employee of the Month, Every Month Since 2019
A sawhorse detour sign off East Cesar Chavez has said TEMPORARY since 2019. I wrote its annual performance review, and it outperforms every human institution involved.
5 min read
Turns Out It Was One Guy the Whole Time
I pinned every Tech Bro of the Week to my kitchen wall with yarn and thumbtacks, and the investigation came back with a sample size of one. The series retires, and so does the vest.
5 min read
His Chief of Staff Has No Hands
Tesla's steering-wheel-free Cybercabs started taking riders in Austin today, and this week's fictional founder has already promoted one to chief of staff. It does not own a lanyard.
5 min read
Shaved Ice Index, Third Quarter, Seasonally Unadjusted
I built a price index for frozen syrup, from a 75-cent church-lot snow cone to a shaved-ice tasting menu with a five-dollar reservation hold. The brain freeze is the only component that hasn't been repriced.
5 min read
Hydrotherapy Suite, Formerly the Men's Room
A composite East Austin icehouse poured its last two-dollar longneck and reopened as a dog spa with blueberry facials. I toured the new floor plan with the old one still printed on my liver.
6 min read
Nobody Asked the Dog
Officials named Amazon as the anchor of the 2,600-acre Dog's Head project, so I drew my own anatomy chart of the dog. The boxes get the snout. The rest of us get the tail.
5 min read
Waller to Pedernales on Foot, Ordering Ghosts
A Friday walk down East Sixth from Waller to Pedernales, stopping at each block to order what used to be poured there and paying for what's actually on the menu. Running total included.
6 min read
Complaint Ledger Entry 23 - Scoot Inn Gate Policy
Three crumpled dollars got you past the chain-link gate at 1308 East Cesar Chavez for Lone Stars at $2.50 and whatever local band was murdering covers until 2 a.m.; the current operation demands $28 online tickets, a QR code for drink service, and a bouncer who checks your ID against a tablet while a sponsored banner flaps overhead.
6 min read
Nobody at the 2006 SXSW Asked What My Startup Did
A 2006 wristband got you into the Cedar Street Courtyard for $2.50 Lone Stars and whatever Denton band was murdering it that night with zero questions about your burn rate; the 2026 version demands $2,800 for the 'Founder Tier,' an app that maps your 'synergy opportunities,' and at least four people who'll pitch you before the first chorus.
6 min read