My Neighbor Is Going as a Bungalow
My neighbor Ruthie built a Rainey Street bungalow costume out of H-E-B boxes for Halloween. Before she got it past the mailbox, it attracted two buyers, a rezoning request and a rooftop bar.
5 min read
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Real Estate
Browse Old Austin Grouch posts about real estate, Austin nostalgia, and the city habits locals still argue about.
Use this topic hub to explore satire, memories, and cultural commentary about real estate in Austin, Texas.
16 posts · Newest first
Hutto, Now Pre-Leasing
Blue Origin plans to spend over $500 million and hire 2,000 people in Hutto, with $18 million in state grants. I drove out on 79 to warn the hippos what comes after the jobs.
5 min read
You Can See It From the Dentist's Chair
Waterline opened today as the tallest building in Texas, two months early. I spent the day logging every place it ambushed me, starting with a reclining dental chair on Burnet Road.
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Odin Would Have Ordered the Thigh
Valhalla closes October 26 after 17 years because a building sale woke up a lease termination clause, and a fried-chicken spot is reportedly next. I read Norse mythology so you don't have to.
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All Ages, Cash Only, Zoned Commercial
The Marlow closed on Red River after three years, Valhalla is on its way out, Empire is halted, and the block is up for sale. I went down to see who's headlining now.
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Elevated Is Not a Square Footage
Three skinny townhomes went up where a lawnmower guy's bungalow used to be, wrapped in a banner of adjectives. I translated the banner one word at a time, with a ruler and a calculator.
5 min read
Unit B Enjoys Peekaboo Views of Unit A
A North Loop bungalow with a pecan tree and a floor furnace became three skinny 'modern farmhouse' units. I read the listing copy line by line, and there is no farm.
5 min read
Annotated Rate Card, One Garage, Tarrytown
A Tarrytown founder is renting out his two-car garage as a 'co-working studio' with three membership tiers named after trees. I annotated the rate card so you don't have to.
5 min read
Clarksville's Last Ice House Sign Just Got Repurposed as Lobby Art
The leasing agent kept calling the new build at 10th and West Lynn "a nod to neighborhood character" while I stared at the actual 1974 BEER TO GO sign now mounted behind the front desk like a dead animal; what once moved $1.85 longnecks to roofers and off-duty cops at 11 a.m. is now The Oaks at Clarksville, where a 712-square-foot unit starts at $879k and the amenity package includes a "heritage cooler" stocked with $9 cold brew.
6 min read
They Called It "The Bungalows at Crestview" Even Though They Tore the Bungalows Down
Stood in the "bungalow-inspired" lobby of the new mid-rise at North Lamar and Koenig watching a couple in matching Patagonia vests admire the exposed brick that came from a 1948 duplex they just demolished; my old $475 rent house is now a 680-square-foot "classic Austin living" unit starting at $3,450 with a QR code for the trash chute and a monthly amenity fee that buys you one reserved parking spot where the mechanic shop used to let you leave your truck overnight.
6 min read
$975k Studio With "Authentic Barrio Views"
The new "Cesar Vista Lofts" at East Cesar Chavez and Chicon replaced a panaderia, a backyard mechanics shop, and two actual houses where people still hung laundry on real clotheslines; the renderings show happy diverse couples on balconies that face the same H-E-B parking lot where Chuy once sold used tires for $25 a pop.
6 min read
They Closed the Airport and Put Up a Neighborhood Named After It
The old Mueller Airport let you park on the grass for three bucks, watch single-engine planes take off over the fence, and buy a sausage biscuit from a lady who called you darlin'; that same patch of ground is now rows of slate-gray townhomes starting at $789,000 with faux control-tower lighting and a "Runway Park" where the only thing landing is another Peloton delivery.
6 min read