September Is a Summer Month and Always Has Been

Austin ISD sent Lamar Middle School students home early today after the campus AC broke. My credit union calendar insists it's autumn, and I've got some notes for it.

5 min readBy the Old Austin Grouch · Satire
Illustration accompanying September Is a Summer Month and Always Has Been
Editorial illustration. Not a historical photograph.

The free calendar from my credit union is stuck to the fridge with a magnet shaped like a jalapeño. This month's photo shows a covered bridge in Vermont, maples going orange, a man in a flannel shirt holding a thermos of something hot on purpose.

Outside my kitchen window the crepe myrtle is dropping things too. They are not leaves. It's more like the tree is quietly giving up.

The calendar says September. Every adult in this city knows September is just August with the school buses running.

Today Austin ISD sent Lamar Middle School students home early because the air conditioning on campus broke. That's the whole story as reported, and it's plenty. You don't need a press conference to picture it. Several hundred twelve- and thirteen-year-olds, a building that runs on refrigerant and goodwill, and a Texas morning that clocked in early and didn't take a break.

Who Decided School Starts in Summer

Somewhere in a conference room with a very good thermostat, a group of reasonable people decided the Texas school year should start in mid-August. I've never met them, but I picture them all wearing light sweaters.

Their logic, as far as I can work it out, goes like this. Summer is when school is out. School is now in. So summer is over. That's the same reasoning that tells you a parking garage is "just steps from" the venue.

The kids know better. Every kid in Austin can tell you the first six weeks of school are a hostage situation run by the sun. You put on new shoes in a parking lot that's hot enough to cook on. You carry a binder with a clear plastic cover that warps if you leave it on the dashboard. You learn the word "photosynthesis" while personally living through it.

Austin's Actual Seasons, Revised for Accuracy

The credit union isn't going to fix its calendar, so I did. Locals can tape this over the Vermont bridge.

  • Pollen (January–March). The air turns yellow, everyone's eyes leak, and somebody in your office says "cedar fever" like it's a band they saw in 1994.
  • Pretend Spring (about eleven days in April). Bluebonnets come up and families risk the shoulder of 290 for photos. It's lovely. Then it's gone.
  • Summer (May–August). No notes. You know what you did.
  • Second Summer (September–mid-October). Same as Summer, except you also have to show up somewhere at 7:45 a.m. with a backpack. Coffee chains sell pumpkin drinks during this season, the same way a cruise ship hangs a picture of a fireplace.
  • The Thursday (one day, late October or November, date unannounced). It's 61 degrees at dawn. Everyone wears every jacket they own at once and goes on about chili. By Saturday it's 88 again and the jackets are back in the car, where they'll stay until spring.
  • The Freeze (a surprise week, sometime). We don't talk about it at dinner.

Look at that list and tell me where "fall" goes. I'll wait. Find some shade first.

A Brief History of My Own Sweat

My middle school had window units. Not central air. Window units, each one bolted into a classroom wall at a slight downward angle, so condensation dripped onto a strip of dirt below that never grew anything but stubbornness.

Each unit had its own personality. The one in science lab made a sound like a man clearing his throat to start a toast and never getting to it. The one in Texas history had two settings: Off, and Jet Engine. On Jet Engine you couldn't hear the teacher, so we learned the Alamo mostly by reading lips. The library one had died before I got there and never came back. The librarian kept a box fan on the circulation desk pointed straight at herself, which I respected. She had the seniority.

When a unit died, nobody went home. We moved desks into the hallway, which was somehow worse because the hallway held the heat of six hundred kids who'd come in from P.E. We fanned ourselves with handouts. The handouts were about the water cycle. Even then, I sensed someone up the chain of command had a sense of humor.

I'm not telling you this to say we were tougher. We weren't. We were sweaty and stupid and somebody passed out at the pep rally every year like it was on the program. I'm telling you because that was thirty-some years ago, and the basic arrangement hasn't changed. We still run schools through the hottest weeks on the calendar and act surprised when the machine keeping everybody alive turns out to be a machine.

The Part Where It's Not Funny

Sending kids home was the right call. A building without AC in Austin in September isn't a learning environment. It's a slow cooker with lockers. Somebody looked at a room full of seventh graders turning pink and made a decision, and they deserve a cold drink and a nap.

The trouble is everything before that decision. It's a city that has spent ten years telling the world it's a tech capital, while the cooling systems in its public buildings depend on hope and a work order. It's a state where school funding talk sounds like a hostage negotiation run by people who've never taught fourth period in a portable. It's the gap between the skyline renderings and the HVAC closet.

Downtown, the new glass towers are kept so cold that people bring cardigans to work in a desert climate. Little signs in the lobbies tell you the building is "intelligently climate controlled." Meanwhile a public middle school can lose its cooling on a Tuesday and the plan is: everybody go home, and hope somebody's grandma is around.

That last part is the real tax. "Sent home early" sounds tidy in a news brief. Out here it means a working parent reading a text at their desk and running the math on which boss is more forgiving. It means kids at a kitchen table in an apartment where the landlord set the "community thermostat policy" in a lease addendum. The heat doesn't go away when school lets out. It just moves to someone's house.

A Modest Proposal for the Calendar People

I'm not asking anyone to move the school year to Vermont. I'm asking for honesty in labeling, the same standard we hold a breakfast taco to.

If school starts in summer, call it Summer Session One and budget like it. Treat the chiller on every campus like it's load-bearing, because in August and September it is. Put the AC repair line item next to the football stadium line item and see which one wins the staring contest. And maybe stop letting anyone print "Welcome Back, Fall!" on a marquee while the parking lot gives off the smell of hot tar and regret.

The credit union calendar flips to October in a few weeks. The photo is a pumpkin patch. Somewhere in Austin a kid in a costume will have to take off the mask at the Halloween parade because it's 91 degrees.

That kid will be correct, and the calendar will still be wrong.

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The thermostat clicked off at dawn for the first time since May, and by 7:15 the whole city was in fleece. I went out to witness the one morning Austin pretends it lives somewhere with seasons.

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